Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
