It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
