So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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