I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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