You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
