So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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