1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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