All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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