A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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