at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
