she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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