and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
