So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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