If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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