I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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