The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
