she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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