I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
