Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
