i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We left the knife in your bed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
