I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
being pregnant is like rehab
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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