she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
