Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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