i wish my penis had a tongue
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
