Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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