I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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