I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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