Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
