Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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