my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
