You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
