He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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