Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
