i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
