I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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