well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to be your penis for a week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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