Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
