I want to walk on stilts...naked
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The feeling are messing with the penis
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
