OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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