Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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