Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
