Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
