I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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