ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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