Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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