We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
