I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
