it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
