thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
