He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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