He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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