fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
