T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize