fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
