I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
