The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
