Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
