i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
