This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
