i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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