Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
