Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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