thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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