i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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