I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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