Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
