Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
