I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
