I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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