I want to have your abortion
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
