I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
