Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
