Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
