Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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