So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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