why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
