I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
