Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
