hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
