I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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