sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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