and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
