my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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