I faked an abortion last night.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry my hands just texted you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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