So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
