I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
